Questions existing....(marriage semi-rant)

Hi guys,

I came across an article on one of the popular gossip blogs (I'm addicted to them btw), and the lady in question was asking if its normal for a married couple to not have sex for a year. Trust Nigerians, everyone had his/her own opinion about the issue, and they all made for an interesting read. But that article got me thinking. If most marriages have huge cracks in them, why do people rush into such bondage?


A few days ago, I got one of my emotional bouts, and I was bawling for nothing. I was just thinking of how blessed I was to have parents who love me and my siblings so much, and all the good stuff that God has sent my way. So in the midst of my overwhelming emotions, I sent my parents a 4 paged text, thanking them for everything and nothing. Dad in his typical fashion, replied with a 'thank you sweetheart', while mom replied with a long note thanking me and asking God to bless me with a good husband and children and a home of my own and all that stuff.

Now I admit I have a latent aversion to marriage. It used to be pretty strong when I was much younger. I love babies so much, and where I come from, the only way to make babies is to get married. So I had to pretty much get myself warmed up to the idea of being with another person for the rest of my life. I just cannot figure out, for the life of me, why someone would rush into a contract so serious just because her friends are getting married. With the stories I hear around me all the time, marriage is not what many people would like me to believe. I have seen some very beautiful marriages, and they are quite rare compared to the vast number of unhappy ones.

Its crazy the number of domestic abuse I hear everyday in the news. Even more, the number of rapes within marriages. The fearful part is that you are not allowed to open up and share them lest you get ostracized in the society. Its this dying in silence that terrifies me. Its so easy for single ladies to say 'its not my portion', but the statistics are so eye opening and I cant help but be terrified.

I guess the worst and the most painful would be infidelity. No one still has complete answers to why men and women cheat, but I think there is absolutely no reason for a person to cheat on his/her spouse. A male friend told me in a discussion that it is okay for a man to cheat on his wife because men are polygamous. Like, who the hell made that crap up? (forgive my French). I don't know how people come up with this kind of rubbish.  Why should a man not have self control? And why should cheating be okay for the goose but not the gander? I harshly replied him and let's just say I was so disappointed. Society expects this kind of behaviour from men and it's okay. I think there's nothing more painful watching the man who vowed to love you for better or worse do the same things he said he would not do without even thinking of the amount of diseases he could inevitably pass to you, or just gladly break your heart. Nothing could be more damaging to the spirit. Now with this trend, I find it difficult to understand why everyone is rushing into this kind of life. As I said before, I know there are a few happy marriages but a vast majority are crazy unhappy.

Isn't it funny the way people always say a woman makes or breaks her marriage? I think this is so unfair and silly. Did the woman marry herself, or did she pay her bride price? A person doesn't make a contract alone, and because of this, I think a married couple should work together to make their union a success. Whatever happened to meeting each other halfway?  I have heard about families where the wife works a 9-5 job, has a business on the side, pays all the bills and still takes care of the children while the husband has absolutely no job, beats his wife and cheats on her with the help! Is that crazy or what? And people still rush into this in droves like its a joke.

As marriage comes from God the creator Himself, I believe there is no contract as holy and sanctified as this one. A couple should enter it with the intention of keeping it as holy and undefiled as possible. I don't think there is a more beautiful union as marriage. But I think I am too terrified to behold something as beautiful as it is.

Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. 
I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. 
I give ye my Spirit, `til our Life shall be Done. 

You cannon possess me for I belong to myself 
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give 
You cannon command me, for I am a free person 
But I shall serve you in those ways you require 
and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. 

The above is the traditional Celtic wedding vows which I feel are deeper than the modern day version. I love where it says 'You cannot possess me for I belong to myself' These lines are so powerful and thought provoking, and the line after it is out of one's freewill, given out of love. To force it, I feel, is the beginning of the end of a marriage. Well I have never been married so I do not claim to know all the answers. These are just my thoughts.

Everyday I pray to God to make me a better person, so that hopefully that would translate to a better wife and mother. At the same time I always ask him for MY own husband, not somebody else's, who would understand my complexities and my thought process.
Because this is the scariest thing I think I would ever encounter in this life.